I am back.....hopefully

So I used to asses my closeness with God with how much I wrote. Its just the best way I process things that are happening and it reflects the amount of time I am spending with Him. I guess that now I am working almost 60 hours a week and dont have all day to read and write like I did on the race, I need to find another measure.

So I am still in San Francisco. I have 2 jobs that I love. I am making friends and have a great little network of quality people. Its almost Christmas and I get to go home for a while. Everything seems perfect. All of those blogs about wanting exactly this, the struggle to get here; now that life exists. And its actually strange. Its strange to get exactly what you want sometimes. Its also extremely easy to get prideful about the everything when all things seem to go your way. It re-establishes hard work = awesome rewards. I have to keep myself in check with that all the time. Its hard though ya know? I read a quote (imagine that) that said, " you earn your body ", and you do. The work you put into it comes out pound for pound. You can earn your jobs and money from hard work. You can earn your health by eating right and exercise. You can earn your friendships by establishing trust. But can you earn blessings? I honestly dont think so. Thats why its hard not to treat God the same. Everything else in our lives teach us to earn things and then here we come, screeching on the breaks trying to change our entire mentality.

Ive been really working on being more emotional. I still dont cry but I am more open. I have higher highs and lower lows and yes, I do feel bipolar, but I feel more normal too. I was working with a baby and took her toy away from her and she started bawling. I was like, really? its not a big deal, life will go on, they are just keys. But to her, it was all she wanted in the world. She had no idea if they would come back to her and she didnt know that it would all be ok. It made me realize how I skip those emotions by looking 10 steps ahead. From my experience, I know that everything will be ok. I know that there is more out there, that the disappointment's will only last for so long. But knowing that completely cancels out any need to feel the emotion of it. So I am trying to allow myself to feel things (though I am still not entirely sure why). It can really suck to be effected by things.

I have decided to apply to school next year and so that is going to be a whole new chapter. I miss writing and reading and thinking about things other than my ABC's and colors. I am also afraid to dive into something because I fear that half way into it I will be burn out or not like it anymore. If I keep going down the road I am I wont do anything for more than a year! Not good.

So hopefully I am back on here, writing my thoughts, just to myself. I am enjoying my life, I am enjoying my emotions, I am enjoying being human.