just like child bearing....or so ive heard....

I just read a fellow racers blog and it said that spiritual growth is like child bearing. It is so hard when you go through it but when you get to the other side, you dont remember it and you only see the good, the product of all that struggle. I caught myself looking at the race routes in the future and thinking, man that would be cool to go on that one...then quickly saying NO WAY! haha

but its true. Sometimes I forget all the difficulty of the trip and remember how close to God I was and the strength of the community I was in. I miss the steep learning curve that I was basically climbing everyday. I look around my room and think to myself, man my life was different a few months ago. My priorities were different, my focus was different. I have been struggling a lot these past few weeks and find myself wishing it would just get easier. I feel like I havent ended my trip!

Its so hard to remember to stay focused on the good of the challenges when you are in them. They physically hurt and are emotionally exhausting and you think to yourself, how on earth could this be a good thing? But the truth is, the minute you are on the other side of the challenge, you forget the pain and are filled with joy and refreshment. Then ironically when you are in that good place for  awhile, you wonder to yourself, why is there no challenge? Where's the struggle? Am I doing something wrong!?

Honestly, the only remedy for this grass is always greener on the other side of the circle is living for today. I heard a quote say that yesterday is dead and tomorrow has not been born yet. You are in today and all you can do is make today come alive.

I was reading a book about a refugee from Sudan and about all his struggles beyond our imagination and in his forward he says, "This book is a form of struggle, and it keeps my spirit alive to struggle." Without these challenges in our lives, our days turn on auto pilot and we begin to coast. We begin to become expectant and entitled. Too much ease makes Rachel a dull girl.

So after re-reading my depressing past blog about failure (clearly in the trenches of a pit), I renounce that failure. I have not failed. Measuring this experience on a scale of success and failure is completely wrong.  I did what I felt I was supposed to do, and I am continuing to do today what I feel I should do. No more plans, just today. I am making today come alive and  am looking for provision for this day only. Thank you Jesus for making it that easy.