this is where i am at...

Well Ive been living in San Fran for about 2 weeks now and its going well. I am just sort of living life un directioned, just making it. I have an awesome place to live, i have had 3 interviews for jobs in the past 3 days and find out tomorrow what is going to happen. Man its hard to decide what to do with your life. There is such an abundance of avenues to go down, how do you know which one you want most? I am learning loads. I am learning to just let myself experience life without a plan and wow, I am actually pretty competent. I am not trying to sound prideful by any means but when i am on these interviews sometimes i am shocked with my answeres and my competency. I didnt know these things were in me and it is a pleasure to realize that they exist, that my experiences are paying off. Its is a blessing to see the purpose of your past experiences.
Of course I could be better at a lot of things, but when is that not truth? I am overwhelmed at my blessings and am just trying to ride the ride and enjoy it. I wake up every day and think to myself, why am I doing this? I really like it out here but it definitely is taking energy. but its good stuff.

I read a poem from a brennan manning book and it is this,

Father, because I am loved
and I love
I dont have to
explain myself to you.
I dont have to
excuse myself to you.
I dont have to
abase myself before you.
You know all about me,
and you call me friend.
You call me your delight.
You call me your beloved.

Because I am loved and I love
I need not lie prostrate
on my face before you.
I am free to run
into the circle of your waiting arms,
to enter the fullness of your embrace,
to be held
safely
strongly
securely
against your heart.

Because I am loved and I love,
I dont have to worry
about my response or lack of it.
I dont have to struggle
with my desire to understand.
I dont have to wrestle
with my feelings of unworthiness
All I have to do is be still,
stay close and let you love me into wholeness.

Father, sometimes its the hardest thing in the world
just to be still, stay close and let you love me.
But because I am loved and I love,
I try.

Her I am, Father.
Still, for once.
Closer than Ive ever been
Waiting.
Accepting.
Wanting.
Love me, Father.