ya well....

i read a blog today about Joel Osteens new book, Make Every Day a Friday....or something like that. Then I read an excerpt from his book Your Best Life Now. He is such an amazing example of taking truth and tweaking it, changing the entire direction of his "godly" advice and pointing it in a completely wrong path down the road of deception.

He talks alot about having the expectant mind set. We are to have a large vision and be expectant for finiacial and all other blessings. I think we should be expectant, pray expectantly, but our promise from God isnt comfort and riches which is basically what Osteen says. Our best life isnt now because we have money and things.

Ive been listening to a pod cast on the song of solomon and I have claimed a new purpose for my life. My life goal every day is to mature in love for God and love for others. I see alot of my stumblings as immaturity in my love for God, not as inauthentic desire to follow Him. I am daily reminding myself that I do love God and my desire for Him, to please Him is real even though it may be weak. I am trying and I am human so many times what I see as  a pathetic attempt God sees as something that brings Him emmense joy. As I read that I dont quite believe it.....I will re-read it unitl it sinks in....

I was laying in bed last night having a weird trip. I was like, where am I? What am I doing here? Did the race really happen? I just told myself that I may not know where I am, and nothing is familiar, but God is here and I know Him. just strange. I really do like it in San Fran, there is so much to do and see and experience but I am afraid of committment. If I get a job am I willing to stay here for at least 2 years? I mean honestly, why not? I have nowhere else to go. There isnt some magical place that exists where if I choose to stay there all of my wildest dreams will come true. I want to work towards something with my life. I dont want money to drive my life but its a reality. 

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

30 minutes later......

Basically I have this weird urgency (I guess thats a nice way of saying Im impatient) to do what I want to now. But this leaves out the down time with work, "mundane" day to day life, spending time not doing exactly what I want. I need to remember that this "mundane" part of life most definitely doesnt have to be boring and it gives me loads of preparation time to grow in character and love and ready me for the time in my life when the things I truly want to do will be what I am doing. NO time is a waste. Ya.