What now?

why does everything seem to end up ridiculously complicated? You need to make a simple decision and it turns into a monumental moment that determines your lifes directon!! Ugh, i hate making decisions. I hate picking directions, sticking to a path of my choosing. I am all for following things that fall into my lap. Then if they dont work out, it wasnt because of my poor choice or whatever. Im not good at committing to the unkown, i thought i was but...no. I realize i have so much trouble doing something without a reason. I mean i guess that can be good right? Its good to take time to think about your decisions, i can see how it cuts a lot of stress out of life. but i am sick of being calculated.
Ive only made big life decisions for a reason. Join a program, go to school, move my life but for a reason. I am about to jump off the ledge and do something without a reason. I mean for the most part i am going because there are more jobs in the next destination, but other than that, i am just going to go. and that makes me nervous. I have traveled to a lot of places and i am always looking for that place, the one where my foot hits the pavement and then the music starts and the slow motion picture begins. It hasnt happened yet, or maybe it has. I feel like this about San Francisco. ive been there before and i really didnt like it. then i traveled around the world and came back and it was completely different. it felt like home, like i didnt want to leave.
But i have no reason to go. Do i really need one? I feel like for the first time in my life, at 25/6 i am going to have my own real life. Ive moved bunches of times but this feels different. Going to just go and making it is different. And what does God think about this? Ya, i have no idea. I have heard so many mixed things about waiting for God. I do think we should wait for his leading but what if we dont feel anything? Well I dont so I am just making this decision and praying that this path becomes His will for me. Is that wrong? I dont know. It really makes everything that much more confusing....and a whole lot more frustrating. Some people may see me as a risk taker, but ive never really felt like one, until now. talk about walking blindly off the edge and seeing where you land. its scary and crazy and could go either way, but i think it will be great......